ABCs of Perfection

My Greatest Regret

Watching movies - Maybe less than 5 in a year

Being part of many WhatsApp groups - Not for me

Activity in my Facebook account - Almost NIL

Following people on Twitter, Instagram - Why should I do it?

Reading news & political discussions - Not so interesting

Watching sports - Very rare. If done, it would mostly be along with my kid

Do I regret not doing any of the above things? Mostly NO. Is my life too boring with very less 'Entertainment'? Definitely NOT. How come I don't regret or feel sad about not doing any of the so called 'Hip' or 'Normal' things? How come I don't feel being left behind or like an odd man out while not doing any of the activities that most of the people do? Does it mean that I don't have any regrets or will not regret anything at all? It just means that my regrets lie elsewhere.

I would regret if I act in an unkind way to fellow human beings. 

I would regret if I don't give back my knowledge to the world.

 I would regret if I don't put in my best effort in whatever I do.

Are there any regrets that I try to avoid? Of course, yes! There are a few that I diligently work to avoid at all costs. I try to avoid the regret of reaching my grave with unexplored potential inside me. I try to avoid the regret of not knowing whether I would have shone in a particular activity if only I had summoned the courage to go after it. I would rather die with 100 failures under my belt than dying with untapped & unexplored skills.

When your life is driven by a goal of avoiding the great regret of dying with untapped potential, the small trivialities cease to be a cause of regret.

" I choose to die empty "

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The ride of a lifetime -- Book Review

 

Let me begin with a confession. Except the fact that I have watched Mickey & Donald show when I was a kid, there is not much that I knew about Disney. OK. I also knew that Pixar is now owned by Disney (And I knew this after reading the excellent book "Creativity Inc." by Ed Catmull). I had no idea on who the CEO of Disney is and what are the big companies that have been acquired by them. I have not visited Disneyland and don't foresee myself doing it in the near future. With all these aspects, how did I end up reading a book by the CEO of Disney? I came across this book when a friend sent me the link to 'Gates Notes' where Bill Gates had highly recommended this book for anyone who is interested in understanding business. It also happened that this same friend gifted me this book for my birthday.

I cherish these kind of business autobiographies! Am not even sure whether we could call this an autobiography as Robert Iger aka Bob Iger, CEO of Disney rarely shares anything personal in the book. It is always about the companies he has worked and led. That being said, the way in which he led the company speaks so loudly about him and in that sense it could definitely be termed as an autobiography.

Here are some of the things that I found really good:

1. The genuineness of Bob. The moving story that starts the book and the calm, composed way in which he handled that incident is exemplary
2. The open acceptance of failures under his leadership
3. The magnanimity to say openly that others have contributed to his success. Even there, he is not attributing everything to others but taking credit where he deserves it.
4. The negotiations with Steve Jobs. His open admiration for Jobs and his appreciation of what they have built in Pixar is really heart warming
5. The acquisition of Marvel, Lucasfilm is also a great example of how to negotiate. The clarity of what needs to be done, why it needs to be done and a single-minded focus to achieve it are noteworthy

The highlight of the book is the summary of leadership lessons which is given at the end of the book. Am not a entrepreneur to comment on the validity of these lessons but most of them does resonate with me. After all, what makes sense in life will & should make sense in business as well!

What did I miss in the book?

1. A brief description of how Bob balances his personal side of things. Given that he is such a busy person, it would have been a good insight to see the conflicts that he faces in his personal commitments. Are there any sacrifices he has made in his personal life like maybe missing the graduation day of his children, being away during a family member's birthday or an important event? All these 'sacrifices' would have made this book even more valuable
2. How does he manage his time? Is there a 'time' management philosophy that he has followed in his career? More than all the 'Time management' books and articles out there, this would have been a field tested guide for managing time & life

My recommendation: 7.5/10

Quotable Quotes:

• I tend to approach bad news as a problem that can be worked through and solved, something I have control over rather than something happening to me
• Sometimes, even though you're "in charge", you need to be aware that in the moment you might have nothing to add, and so you don't wade in. You trust your people to do their jobs and focus your energies on some other pressing issue
• If you believe that something can be made better, put in the effort to do it. If you're in the business of making things, be in the business of making things great
• The way you do anything is the way you do everything
• It's vital to create space in each day to let your thoughts wander beyond your immediate job responsibilities, to turn things over in your mind in a less pressured, more creative way than is possible once the daily triage kicks in
• To tell great stories, you need great talent
• Innovate or die, and there's no innovation if you operate out of fear of the new or untested
• Perfection was the result of getting all the little things right
• Do what you need to do to make it better
• It's about creating an environment in which you refuse to accept mediocrity. You instinctively push back against the urge to say "There's not enough time, or I don’t have the energy, or This requires a difficult conversation I don’t want to have", or any of the many other ways we can convince ourselves that "good enough" is good enough
• Japanese word "Shokunin": Endless pursuit of perfection for some greater good
• If he asked you to do something, you were expected to exhaust every possible method to accomplish it. If you came back and said you tried and it couldn’t be done, he'd just tell you, "Find another way"
• It's a delicate thing, finding the balance between demanding that your people perform and not instilling a fear of failure in them
• You will be more respected and trusted by the people around you if you honestly own up to your mistakes. It's impossible not to make them; but it is possible to acknowledge them, learn from them, and set an example that it's okay to get things wrong sometimes
• Treat everyone with fairness and empathy. This doesn’t mean that you lower your expectations or convey the message that mistakes don’t matter. It means that you create an environment where people know you'll hear them out, that you're emotionally consistent and fair-minded, and that they'll be given second chances for honest mistakes
• To be motivated by the good and not be too personally wounded by the bad
• Excellence and fairness don’t have to be mutually exclusive
• He knew what he didn’t know
• No airs, no big egos that needed to be managed, no false sincerity
• A sense of knowing who you are and being guided by your own clear sense of right and wrong
• One person's unwillingness to give a timely response can cause so much unnecessary strain and inefficiency
• My instinct throughout my career has always been to say yes to every opportunity. In part this is just garden-variety ambition. I wanted to move up and learn and do more, and I wasn’t going to forgo any chance to do that, but I also wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing things that I was unfamiliar with
• They (Tom & Dan) would talk about valuing ability more than experience, and they believed in putting people in roles that required more of them than they knew they had in them
• Life's an adventure. If you don’t choose the adventurous path, then you're not really living
• Know what you don’t know (And trust in what you do)
• You can't let humility prevent you from leading
• You have to ask the questions you need to ask, admit without apology what you don’t understand, and do the work to learn what you need to learn as quickly as you can
• The passions it takes to create something is powerful, and most creators are understandably sensitive when their vision or execution is questioned. I try to keep this in mind whenever I engage with someone on the creative side of our business. When I am asked to provide insights and offer critiques, I'm exceedingly mindful of how much the creators have poured themselves into the project and how much is at stake for them
• I took pains to say very clearly, "You've created a very special film. I have some specific notes, but before I give them to you, I want you to know we have tremendous faith in you"
• A delicate balance is required between management being responsible for the financial performance of any creative work and, in exercising that responsibility, being careful not to encroach on the creative processes in harmful and counterproductive ways. Empathy is a prerequisite to the sound management of creativity, and respect is critical
• I'd much rather take big risks and sometimes fail than not take risks at all
• Of all the lessons that I learned, the need to be comfortable with failure was the most profound. Not with lack of effort but with the unavoidable truth that if you want innovation - and you should, always - you need to give permission to fail
• Balance between accepting credit for real achievements and not taking too much of the hype from the outside world
• I make sure to connect and speak with every person at the table. It’s a small gesture but I remember how it felt to be the overlooked sidekick, and anything that reminds you are not the center of the universe is a good thing
• Dan handed me a note that read: "Avoid getting into the business of manufacturing trombone oil. You may become the greatest trombone oil manufacturer in the world, but in the end, the world only consumes a few quarts of trombone oil a year!". He was telling me not to invest in projects that would sap the resources of my company and me and not give much back.
• Managing your own time and respecting others' time is one of the vital things to do as a manager
• You have to hear our other people's problem and help find solutions
• Those instances in which you find yourself hoping that something will work without being able to convincingly explain to yourself how it will work - that's when a little bell should go off, and you should walk yourself through some clarifying questions. What's the problem I need to solve? Does this solution make sense? If I'm feeling some doubt, why? Am I doing this for sound reasons or am I motivated by something personal?
• I've been asked a lot over the years about the best way to nurture ambition - both one's own and that of the people you manage. As a leader you should want those around you to be eager to rise up and take on more responsibility, as long as dreaming about the job doesn't distract them from the job they have
• It's important to know how to find the balance - do the job you have well; be patient; look for opportunities to pitch in and expand and grow; and make yourself one of the people, through attitude, energy & focus, that your bosses feel they have to turn to when opportunity arises
• Good leadership isn't about being indispensable; it's about helping others be prepared to possibly step into your shoes - giving them access to your own decision making, identifying the skills they need to develop and helping them improve, and sometimes being honest with them about why they're not ready for the next step up
• I also needed him to execute the thing that I was asking him to execute. It's a tricky thing, moving people over to your side and enlisting their enthusiastic engagement. Sometimes, it's worth talking through their reservations and patiently responding to their concerns. Other times you simply need to communicate that you're the boss and you want this done. It's not that one approach is "Nice" and the other isn't. It's just that one is more direct and nonnegoitable. It really comes down to what you believe is right for the moment - when a more democratic approach is useful both in getting to the best outcome and in building morale, and when you have enough certainty in your opinion that you're willing to be an autocrat even in the face of disagreement
• Micromanaging is underrated
• Great is often a collection of very small things
• "Bob, you know you did that, but the world doesn’t need to know, so shut up!"
• As a leader, you can't communicate that pessimism to the people around you. It's ruinous to morale. It saps energy and inspiration. Decision gets made from a protective, defensive posture
• Optimism in a leader, especially in challenging times, is so vital. Pessimism leads to paranoia, which leads to defensiveness, which leads to risk aversion
• Optimism sets a different machine in motion. Especially in difficult moments, the people you lead need to feel confident in your ability to focus on what matters, and not to operate from a place of defensiveness and self-preservation. This isn't about saying things are good when they're not, and it's not about conveying some innate faith that "things will work out". It's about believing you and the people around you can steer toward the best outcome, and not communicating the feeling that all is lost if things don't break your way. The tone you set as a leader has an enormous effect on the people around you. No one wants to follow a pessimist
• Often people who worry too much about public perception of their power do so because they are insecure
• Priorities are the few things that you're going to spend a lot of time and lot of capital on. Not only do you undermine the significance by having too many, but nobody is going to remember them all
• A company's culture is shaped by a lot of things, but this is one of the most important - you have to convey your priorities clearly and repeatedly
• This is where we want to be. This is how we're going to get there
• I couldn’t let the negativity being expressed by people who knew little about me affect the way I felt about myself
• All of this strain was ultimately still about a job, and I vowed to myself to try to keep that in perspective
• When I look back on that time now, I think of it as a hard-earned lesson about the importance of tenacity and perseverance, but also about the need to steer clear of anger and anxiety over things you can't control. I can't overstate how important it is to keep blows to the ego, real as they often are, from occupying too big a place in your mind and sapping too much of your energy. It's easy to be optimistic when everyone is telling you you're great. It's much harder, and much more necessary, when your sense of yourself is being challenged, and in such a public way
• I could control what I did and how I comported myself. Everything else was beyond my control. I didn’t maintain that perspective every moment, but to the extent that I was able to, it kept the anxiety from having too strong a hold
• Don’t let your ego get in the way of making the best possible decision
• If you approach and engage people with respect and empathy, the seemingly impossible can become real
• This isn't to say that research and deliberation aren't important. You have to do the homework. You have to be prepared. You certainly can't make a major acquisition without building the necessary models to help you determine whether a deal is the right one, but you also have to recognize that there is never 100% certainty. No matter how much data you've been given, it's still ultimately, a risk, and the decision to take that risk or not comes down to one person's instinct
• It's one of those moments, when it’s hard to know who exactly you are without this attachment and title and role that has defined you for so long
• People sometimes shy away from taking big swings because they assess the odds and build a case against trying something before they even take the first step
• Roone and Michael both believed in their own power and in the ability of their organizations to make things happen - that with enough energy & thoughtfulness and commitment, even the boldest ideas could be executed
• " A few solid pros are more powerful than dozens of cons", Steve said. "So what should we do next?" Another lesson: Steve was great at weighing all sides of an issue and not allowing negatives to drown out positives, particularly for things he wanted to accomplish
• It's perhaps not the most responsible advice in a book like this to say that leaders should just go out there and trust their gut, because it might be interpreted as endorsing impulsivity over thoughtfulness, gambling rather than careful study. As with everything, the key is awareness, taking it all in and weighing every factor - your own motivations, what the people you are trusting are saying, what careful study and analysis tell you, and then what analysis can't tell you. You carefully consider all of these factors, understanding that no two circumstances are alike, and then, if you're in charge, it still ultimately comes down to instinct. Is this right or isn't it? Nothing is a sure thing, but you need at the very least to be willing to take big risks. You can't have big wins without them
• A lot of companies acquire others without much sensitivity regarding what they're really buying. They think they're getting physical assets or manufacturing assets or intellectual property. In most cases, what they're really acquiring is people. In a creative business, that's where the value truly lies
• It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood
• "I'm going to tell you something that only Laurene" - his wife - "and my doctors know". He asked me for complete confidentiality, and then he told me that his cancer had returned
• He built things of the highest quality, not necessarily affordable to all, but he never sacrificed quality in order to attain affordability
• "I have to ask you this, you're our largest shareholder" and he would always respond, "You can't think of me as that. That's insulting. I'm just a good friend"
• Firing people, or taking responsibility away from them, is arguably the most difficult thing you have to do as a boss
• You can't use anyone else as an excuse. This is you making a decision about them - not them as a person but the way they have performed in their job - and they need and deserve to know that it's coming from you. 
• Surround yourself with people who are good in addition to being good at what they do
• "After the funeral, Laurene came up to me and said, ""I've never told my side of that story."" She described Steve coming home that night. ""We had dinner, and then the kids left the dinner table, and I said to Steve. 'So, did you tell him?' 'I told him'. And I said, 'Can we trust him?'"" We were standing there with Steve's grave behind us, and Laurene, who'd just buried her husband, gave me a gift that I've thought about nearly every day since. I've certainly thought of Steve every day. ""I asked him if we could trust you,"" Laurene said. ""And Steve said, 'I love that guy.'". The feeling was mutual."
• When I die, the first line of my obituary is going to read 'Star wars creator George Lucas…."
• The worst thing you can do when entering into a negotiation is to suggest or promise something because you know the other person wants to hear it, only to have to reverse course later. You have to be clear about where you stand from the beginning
• Projecting your anxiety onto your team is counterproductive. It's subtle, but there's a difference between communicating that you share their stress - that you're in it with them - and communicating that you need them to deliver in order to alleviate your stress
• Looking back at the acquisitions of Pixar, Marvel, and Lucasfilm, the thread that runs through all of them is that each deal depended on building trust with a single controlling entity
• Could we disrupt ourselves?
• If something doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s probably not right for you
• "Management by press release" - meaning that if I say something with great conviction to the outside world, it tends to resonate powerfully inside our company

Springboard: Launching your personal search for success -- Book Review

Pre-Ramble:

Jealousy… That is the keyword that comes to my mind when I think of ‘Success’. How is jealousy and success related? Let me elaborate. Every time I pick up a book for reading, there usually will be a strong reason why that choice was made. Somebody from my friends’ circle would have recommended that book for me or I would have read rave reviews about the book somewhere or a simple case that the topic just fascinates me. Success is one such topic that I really love to learn more about and hence when I saw this book in a yard sale, it was natural that I picked this book. That is an easy and logical explanation which would make sense for anybody.

Somehow, deep down I knew that there is something more to my ‘Success’ fascination.  I had to go deep inside myself to probe the real reason for my fascination (Obsession?) with success. During this “deep down inside” search, I acknowledged to myself that I was trying to come up with my own definition of success. Why was this ‘My very own definition’ of success required? Because I somehow had reluctantly accepted the fact that I could never aspire or achieve the success of big houses, amazing bikes & extravagant cars that my Facebook friends were having. Those things looked really far-fetched and non-achievable given my circumstances at the time I had rejected a job in the USA & moved to Chennai due to personal reasons. The jealousy of seeing some of the new cars that my friends were proudly showing off in their Facebook pages drove me crazy. And yet, at the same time, that jealousy looked so stupid for I knew as well that a big house, the latest gadgets, the wall-sized TVs won’t give me any happiness. In my heart of hearts, I intuitively knew that those things don’t matter to me. An interesting dichotomy within me came to my realization: the realization that I was jealous about not having things that I was not interested in having at all! That got me thinking about what my success parameters were in the first place. The book “Springboard: Launching your personal search for SUCCESS” by Richard Shell has given me the answers for “My very own definition” of success.

Book Review:

Richard Shell is a professor at the famous Wharton School & is the creator of the ‘Success Course’. He starts the book with a short narration of his own personal story & how he ended up where he is presently. This introduction gives a solid & yet grounded beginning to what is to come in the book & I was excited by the direction in which the book was headed! Shell divides the book into 2 distinct topics or questions: the first question is the all essential “What is success?”. He provides us with various perspectives or framework about what success means and asks us to make our own definition from this framework. Once you have answered the 1^st question, the 2^nd question he comes up with is “How will I achieve it?”. As part of this book review, I will provide a broad introduction to the subtopics within these 2 questions and hopefully that would enable you to pick up this book for reading.

Question #1: What is success?

Step #1: Shell starts with a simple exercise called the ‘Six Lives Exercise’ where he gives the reader a short paragraph about the lives of 6 different people and wants us to rank those lives on who we believe have achieved success. I felt this was an excellent exercise for it gave me a chance to look at my ideal definition of success and as well the practical manifestation of it in the way I was living/running my life. From this exercise, it became clear to me that success always is a mix of achievement & happiness, a concoction of outer-worldly achievement & inner fulfillment. I learned that balancing these 2 aspects of success (Where the balancing point lies is different for different people) is paramount. The sooner we realize this, the better we will be in terms of aligning our goals & life so as to steer ourselves towards our final destination.

Step #2: According to Shell, when we ask people to define success, the most common answer would be “To be happy”. He calls this the ‘Easy answer’ and goes on to explain why this definition of success might not be sufficient. He doesn’t discount the answer but he forced me to further refine & define what ‘happiness’ meant to me. Along the way, he throws in some wonderful thought starters and amazing quotes to further refine our definition of happiness.

Step #3: The 2^nd perspective that the author provides for understanding success comes from a societal standpoint. How does your society (Where you are born & brought up) shape your definition of success? If your society values fame & fortune and considers those as a measure of success, there is a high chance that you are following that societal narrative. He asks us to stop and think whether the narratives that we are acting out in our lives are really ours or are they coming from our environment. What I found very interesting in this chapter (And the entire book as well) is the number of real-life stories that are given to bolster the narrative and add more weight to his analysis of success.

Step #4: “Life’s too short for the wrong job” is the quote that begins this chapter that elaborates about finding “Meaningful work”. Shell classifies the work we do into 3 distinct buckets namely job, career & calling or meaningful work. A job is something that we do to support us & our family, to get money on the table to allow us to pursue whatever it is outside of our work. A career is something that one pursues in order to achieve certain goals in their lives: be it a certain responsibility, fame or fortune. A meaningful work is something where the work they do allowed people to live their values on a day-to-day basis. It could be a social cause that they believed in or a chance to live the principles they associate with themselves. The author not only defines meaningful work but also provides a great framework to move towards it. He explains it in terms of 3 intersecting circles namely rewards, emotions and talent.

This is one insanely good framework from which to look at the work one is doing and to realign our work to be at the intersection of these 3 circles. Shell as well goes on to provide 7 ‘foundations’ on which meaningful work could be found. He uses the acronym PERFECT to describe these foundations.

P à Personal growth & development

E à Entrepreneurial independence

R à Religion or spiritual identity

F à Family

E à Expressing yourself through ideas, invention, or the arts

C à Community – serving a cause, helping people in need

T à Talent-based striving for excellence

The key takeaways for me from Part-1 of this book is the fact that there is no “one size fits all” definition of success. Even though I knew this intuitively before, the examples and various theories that are presented in the book made it very easy for me to understand that “My definition” of success will be different from someone else’s definition. Also, I became convinced that my definition of success should eventually be an amalgamation of happiness, relationship, fame & fortune and meaningful work. I also understood that this definition will be an evolving & growing entity and not a static definition. As I mature, grow older & priorities in life changes, there would be a need for me to revisit this definition and re-calibrate my compass to keep moving in my chosen right direction.

Question #2: How will I achieve it?

If all that one needs to achieve success is to understand what success means to them, then reading the first part of this book would suffice. However, defining success for yourself is only the start of a long journey. It is like understanding what are the items that you need for your long trek. Getting those items, actually getting started on the trek & eventually sustaining the trekking to give yourself a chance to complete it requires another set of skills. Shell provides us with a clear set of skills or capabilities that will be required to start & sustain this journey.

Step #5: Discover your capabilities: Each one of us is endowed with a special set of capabilities and harnessing these capabilities is important for maintaining the success journey. Even though it is easy to say that one is not endowed with this skill or that particular capability (Outside-In if I have to steal the words from the great Stephen Covey), the better place to start would be from what is inside us (Inside-Out).

Shell calls out 4 diamonds that each one of us should unearth from within us. They are:

1. A persons’ interests and passions
2. Aptitudes & skills
3. Past experiences
4. Personality strengths

These are the places from where we will be able to identify our own capabilities and if our journey is based on these strengths, it would be a much smoother ride.

Step #6: Motivation: If you have read any kind of “Success books”, you would have noted that they would ask you to set ambitious goals & then to pursue it with a single-minded focus. Though this is a valid and very important step, what I have found missing in all of these books is a way to motivate yourself to pursue these goals on a daily/regular basis. I have always set myself audacious goals at the beginning of the year (Or a month or a week) and yet the motivation to pursue these wanes slowly as the days roll by. Shell talks about using a judicious mix of internal & external motivation to sustain ourselves. He also provides some methods of motivating oneself like:

1. Making yourself accountable
2. Interacting frequently with role models
3. Creating rituals that motivate you
4. Bettering your own records or a continuous self-improvement
5. Proving yourself to someone else (Like a rival)
6. Harnessing your survival instincts

For all of the above methods, Shell provides us with some great examples and how to utilize these methods to motivate ourselves. Once again, I found the examples refreshing and the methods to be very practical. 

Step #7: Self-Confidence: This chapter begins with the quote “It is not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest” and I immediately could connect with this quote. If there is one thing that I am really proud about myself, it is about my ability to work hard to master any complex topic. I don’t consider myself the most brilliant person around and this realization has made me understand the significance of working hard to improve myself and compete with the best. In the book, Shell talks about earning the ‘Rite of passage’ by doing, failing, picking oneself up and then finally succeeding. If you have gone through any kind of failure in your life & then used that failure as a learning opportunity and propelled yourself forward, you would immediately understand the concept of ‘Rite of passage’. Each of us would have gone through some similar experiences and the idea is to go back to those hard times & use them to boost your self-confidence for the present situation you are in. It is about believing that if you have overcome failure before, it is possible to overcome failures now as well. 

Shell as well talks about 2 levels of confidence. They are:

1. Level one confidence which is essentially a belief in your own self combined with an absolute belief in your commitment to high personal character standards. In simpler terms, it is the belief in your own goodness of character, ability to take action to improve an existing situation by positive actions.
2. Level two confidence deals with specific skills and activities. It is essentially the belief that you could get smarter and better at any skill if you decide to work on it.

As usual, Shell talks not just about the levels of confidence but as well on how to go about acquiring it. This is a recurring theme in his entire book wherein he introduces a topic and then goes on to provide practical examples & tips about how to acquire/improve on that particular topic.

Step #8: Passion, Imagination, Intuition and Reason: In this chapter, we are introduced to the 4 mental powers each one of us are endowed with namely passion, imagination, intuition & reasoning. Shell outlines a method for using all these 4 powers to move towards success.

Consult your passions – identify a worthy goal

Let your imagination & intuition generate ideas

Commit to a specific, challenging plan

Break it down into small steps

Improvise & adjust – then close the deal

(The 5 lines above are taken verbatim from the book)

Shell provides the example of Charles Lindbergh (The first person to fly nonstop over the Atlantic) to illustrate how Lindbergh used all the 4 mental powers to achieve his feat. Even as Shell dives deep into the ‘success’ story of the Trans-Atlantic flight, he comes back to remind us of the life that Lindbergh lived and asks the reader to consider whether such a life could be considered as a ‘Successful’ life. This as well is one of the highlights of the book as the author provides a balanced view of things & always provides a holistic view.

Step #9: Influence others: Even though the book is all about the pursuit of personal success, the last chapter makes it very clear that personal success is never a one man show & always requires the help of others. The author talks about 2 aspects that are required for influencing others namely credibility and dialogue.

Credibility is what you earn by doing the right things and this allows one to earn the trust of others. Only when we have the trust of others will we be able to influence them to cooperate with you on your pursuit.

The chapter also delves deep into what a ‘friend’ means and Aristotle’s categorization is given as an explanation for understanding what a ‘friend’ means. Aristotle classifies friends into 3 categories namely:

1. Friends of pleasure
2. Friends of utility
3. Friends of virtue

If credibility is one important aspect for influencing others, the other aspect is the ability to engage in meaningful give-and-take dialogues. As the wise saying goes ‘Listening is a primary act of love’, engaging in meaningful dialogues encompasses listening as much as sharing your thoughts. I was reminded of Stephen Covey’s “Consideration & courage” when I read about the importance of listening. Unless we are considerate enough to listen without judging and then have the courage to express our viewpoints, the ability to influence others will not be in our grasp. 

Conclusion:

What are the key takeaways for me from this book?

1. There is no universal definition for success. It is something that I need to define for myself considering the various facets like happiness, relationships, fame, fortune & meaningful work
2. The keyword seems to be ‘Balance’. A balance between inner & outer success measures, a balance between internal & external motivators.
3. Fame is fleeting and even the most ‘popular’ personalities live in the minds of only a small percentage of people for a short span of time. The key question, I understood, is whether my work would transcend time & make a difference in this world?

Post-Ramble:

Circling back to where my obsession with success started, have I overcome my feeling of being jealous? I would definitely be lying if I answer that it is completely gone. There is still some residual jealousy that springs out now & then but it is really less when compared to a decade ago. The moment a thought of jealousy pops into my mind, I quickly acknowledge it, realizing that the other persons’ life (And success parameters) are different from mine and my journey in this world is unique and by comparing myself with them am only bringing myself down.

(And oh, did I tell you that am no longer active in Facebook? 😊 )